They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
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