listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
