the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
