he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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