Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
