its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
