you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
