update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
