He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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