The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
