put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Randomize
