you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
i now understand why vodka
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
