just survived the first fart of the relationship.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
If I had your ass I would rule the world
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