i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
