Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
