Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
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Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
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