Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize
