I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Randomize
