I cockslap morals
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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