hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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