Christians are straight up FREAKS
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
