that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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