Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
