I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize