I feel great
I just peed on a car
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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