She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
