hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
