He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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