I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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