Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
