All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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