Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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