she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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