I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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