Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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