Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
