captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize