Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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