Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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