the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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