Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I got her a Nickelback box set.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
