You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
