Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
