I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Randomize
