Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
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2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
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