She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i just google imaged poop.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
