half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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