Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
one two three fourrrrnication!
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
