Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
