He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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