saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Randomize
