I don't usually arrange sex via text message
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
