The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
