guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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