...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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