Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
