My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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