she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
