How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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