Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize