You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
