Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
