accomplished twins. life is a go
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
