You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize
