i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
