He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
