She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
