there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
