I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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