So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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